adiyeE... unnaI theduM muyarchiL naaN ippO saD... orE thappU thappA nadakuthU ellaM...
unnaI paarpenA? maatennA? therlA? buT thedaL nikkA povadhillA...irukarathA vittutU parakarathA pidikarathA ellarum solrangA, therlA...annA naaN unnaI thedanuM...paarkanuM...pesanuM...pazhganuM...paravasapadanuM...mookthiperanuM...
ithukugagA naaN ennA vennA seyveN... ippA koodA oru semA matteR aayiuduchU...paaproM engA thaaN neE ennaI azhyikiraI endrU....
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A walk over my guilt
Guilty
5:37am I wake up to see the time. 5 mins more for my alarm to do it s duty, dutifully. Will it hurt me if am to wake up 5 mins early, but the warmth of my bed is not ready to leave me, fine, done is done, let it ring….
6:02 am the alarm is still ringing I snooze it and calculate my possibility of getting ready to office, sleeping again,
6:32am calculating again what if I go by auto? But tomo I shud go by auto so no but sleeping again after setting snooze to my alarm.
6:42am again alarms duty time, but I still in dilemma, worried that I wasted 1 hour sleeping, exactly that I get a call, call from my cab driver, Told him that I will be there in 5 mins, got out of bed, brushed, switched on the tv, washed my face, decided to not bath as no time, got ready…
6:55am, call from driver again, telling that am on the way, wore my shoe, combed hair, checked if I have taken every items that I have to, id card, wallet, handkerchief, applied oil n searched for my comb, my pocket comb, shit this is my 4th comb in 2 months and am not able to find it again, this last one I bought just last night n placed in my shelf but not able to find it, hell, I knew I kept it there ly , everything is there but my comb is not there…. still searching, one of my bigger comb which I lost I got but this one I dint have any clue, no time… still searching, managed to convince me tat for one day I can take a big comb, that too not mine…
6:58am left home, have to walk some 100-200 mts to reach my cab, this part of my journey was what staying in my mind from morning and made me write this one, on this way I had this day’s first guilt and life’s repeated guilt. I have to cross a small slum type of housing board (I call it!) in this walk, houses with blue tarpaulin, blue as blue from last nights rain, to accommodate more than its capacity, total area would be max 40-50 sq foot, accommodating atleast 4 adults n 4 children, no flooring, it was raining all the night, I know how cold it was in the night inside my blanket, shit… I am still walking, crossing it, as if I have seen nothing, &*&^, what a (*& me, but what else can I do my cab is waiting, what the hell am I doing?, I have to reach there, my brain was thinking many different things but legs crossing the blues, a baby coming out of the blue, yesterday one of my manager sent a mail telling that his daughter got first prize in drawing competition, the y’s which if I ask ll be branded as a communist y’s, but that is a basic need, I am not able to ignore it… but walking still.. got into my cab….
Thus my thoughts started rolling… this has been rolling for days but what the ____ use it is of?dont know I wish it becomes something what I want it to but who knows if I ll also be one washed into this optimism disease …
The day is not what I am deciding, I am just been pulled into everything . when am I going to pull my day the way I wish. Shit….
5:37am I wake up to see the time. 5 mins more for my alarm to do it s duty, dutifully. Will it hurt me if am to wake up 5 mins early, but the warmth of my bed is not ready to leave me, fine, done is done, let it ring….
6:02 am the alarm is still ringing I snooze it and calculate my possibility of getting ready to office, sleeping again,
6:32am calculating again what if I go by auto? But tomo I shud go by auto so no but sleeping again after setting snooze to my alarm.
6:42am again alarms duty time, but I still in dilemma, worried that I wasted 1 hour sleeping, exactly that I get a call, call from my cab driver, Told him that I will be there in 5 mins, got out of bed, brushed, switched on the tv, washed my face, decided to not bath as no time, got ready…
6:55am, call from driver again, telling that am on the way, wore my shoe, combed hair, checked if I have taken every items that I have to, id card, wallet, handkerchief, applied oil n searched for my comb, my pocket comb, shit this is my 4th comb in 2 months and am not able to find it again, this last one I bought just last night n placed in my shelf but not able to find it, hell, I knew I kept it there ly , everything is there but my comb is not there…. still searching, one of my bigger comb which I lost I got but this one I dint have any clue, no time… still searching, managed to convince me tat for one day I can take a big comb, that too not mine…
6:58am left home, have to walk some 100-200 mts to reach my cab, this part of my journey was what staying in my mind from morning and made me write this one, on this way I had this day’s first guilt and life’s repeated guilt. I have to cross a small slum type of housing board (I call it!) in this walk, houses with blue tarpaulin, blue as blue from last nights rain, to accommodate more than its capacity, total area would be max 40-50 sq foot, accommodating atleast 4 adults n 4 children, no flooring, it was raining all the night, I know how cold it was in the night inside my blanket, shit… I am still walking, crossing it, as if I have seen nothing, &*&^, what a (*& me, but what else can I do my cab is waiting, what the hell am I doing?, I have to reach there, my brain was thinking many different things but legs crossing the blues, a baby coming out of the blue, yesterday one of my manager sent a mail telling that his daughter got first prize in drawing competition, the y’s which if I ask ll be branded as a communist y’s, but that is a basic need, I am not able to ignore it… but walking still.. got into my cab….
Thus my thoughts started rolling… this has been rolling for days but what the ____ use it is of?dont know I wish it becomes something what I want it to but who knows if I ll also be one washed into this optimism disease …
The day is not what I am deciding, I am just been pulled into everything . when am I going to pull my day the way I wish. Shit….
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