thoughts that never come to future

this blog, i can tel one of the blog that was in production long, each time i continue to write this one i will not be able to continue it,but finally after so many days n weeks, here i have completed it
i was reading a short story now and a line in that reminded me of this incident, it gave a good feeling for that few seconds....
so it inspired me to write something here...
when i was studying 7th and 8th class, i liked a gal, ofcourse she was amazing like other gals i fell for in my own ways. she was a kind gal and use to respect all. she had this habit of taking blessings from a grandma, landlord of our school, a freedom fighter, a very nice lady who used to love everyone and had some serenity with herself, before every exams. I, in the try to impress that gal and also to spend time with her, would go with her every morning during exam and get blessing from that grandma. i dont know if i impressed that gal or not [though i know the truth ;)] but this habit continued even after she left school. That grandma died when i was in college, but whenever i go to my school to just roam, i feel her warmness there. today i felt like getting blessing from her with no reason just to see her and that wrinkled smile, the experience of her and to think that everything is fine always, just am losing the track.


blessings has always not been my kind of thing all my life, i never wanted to bend down to all, except just to the people i think i should, others i always let go or ignore...but there was one instance when i was in 11th vacation, all fell on my feet!!!! yes, but that had a different reason, religious ofcourse... i was kannisaami that time, means a person who goes first time to iyyappa temple in kerala wearing maala (a chain with rudraksh or other round items which i dont know). there is a belief that lord iyyappa himself might be in one of these kannisamis. so all get their blessings, and also give money ;) i liked the second part, wonderful collection :D and also enjoyed the first part, with all my relations falling at my feet....but that also did some change in me, just for getting the blessings of god they were ready to fall on my feet, whom, even few days back they had cursed and also will after i return, but now at this instance i became god because of these chains around my neck, irony. i will never be able to make them understand this i found out.

happenings...

this happens in all companies that are ambitious and aggressive to increase their revenues, annual/year end meetings. with all polished words that you can find in a dictionary to tell what all improvements have happened in the current year and what targets they expect the next year, which means, your overtime is required more and dont worry we are not going to pay you more for that but will give you a appreciation certificate and might be a parker pen or something which will be very helpful to you. all the so called intellectuals and heads even though might crib for it internally will get get that certificate and pen with boasting pride and will make sure that it is displayed at their desk for everyone to see and trying to live as an example... effect of attending yet another meeting like this.

after tasting a day off from work in mid off the week, now am not able to motivate myself to wake up in the morning and come to office on time, there are also other reasons, which needs time before putting in this place, but hint is impatience, when you see the watch or calendar with a destination ahead though it is nowhere, but no matter what the thrill of wait will not be fullfilled when the time comes to face in reality, coz our imagination is perfect enough to make it look nice and beautiful that we oversee other things. I know the limitations still, the reality is not a thing that can be put into our imagination, our imagination is just the favourable part of our reality. so trying not to think much on those terms and want to feel it as it unrolls itself the marvelous magnificence of the nature with all the acceptance, which am not in full awarness of, and face that reality and taste its bitterness in person.... who told bitter is not that good by the way? it is too good B-)

addiction - boredom.... what relation does these words have? 'interest' i guess... will an addiction today become boring after sometime? is that mandatory? i dont know really, coz i dont remember becoming bored of things that really am interested in and have got after real yearning to it. one thing, whenever i do whatever i feel to do, it feels good, so i dont want to stop doing it, eventhough it is not what is recommended, who cares, that might be the reason i like the sky more than earth, just i got earth and sky is always there to follow me....


when you are waiting, it feels like decades, and when you are happy the time runs out so soon, this sense of time comes only when you realize it, when you are aware of it, when you know to measure it, when you know to compare it with something, so these days when i wait i dont try to see the watch or calendar, am waiting thats all, am waiting....

again proven case a women is a women.... no matter what....


i have always been in a fight with the thoughts that i think makes me think logically, which might not be the case though, why.......