just do it baby!

what were you thinking at 3:41 am?

i woke up again at 4:20 searching for you near me. 

i can't disturb you. you have to start it as we discussed already. i can only write here. 

hope it is time. don't you think?

that feel good ending....

when you are growing as a kid, the mistakes you do are considered as stepping stones, you are not punished hard. you can even make same mistakes again and again, just the intensity is considered less and so your punishment and its length. you are considered to be that sweet child who has done mistakes because you did not have the knowledge of the consequences.
fair enough!
just after an age when you make mistakes without knowing its depth and consequence, you do not get your 'pardon me' heard. you have to suffer. there is no other way for it.
the reason i started this post with exactly those words is because we grow till we die and then grow in death to be born. growth is always there, when there is growth, there is always mistakes that happen, because you have not lived this same moment before, so at that particular moment you make a decision and do something which ends up as a mistake.
the probability of it becoming mistake is always high when your knowledge on the matter is less and you are excited and also that stupid person with guts to enjoy the thrill of falling down from air. adrenalin rush.
once the rush is over, you are left with that empty feeling... you know that you could have done it better, but 'no', you did not do it better. you have already fell down.
luckily, which is very rare, you get a second chance, what will you do?
you try to do everything picture perfect, try to be positive and find strength in every small things with a hope to not make the same mistake just to realise that your second chance itself was a 'maya'. you are not pardoned. you are just taken more high to push you.
how many ever times you tell that you have understood the mistake and would want to do anything to make it right, the answer on your face is plain blank 'no'.
you sit daily somewhere, imagining that you are talking again and again that script to show how sorry you are. nah! nothing changes.
you cry in your bed, bathroom, window, pool, rain... nah! nothing happens.
now, this is ENOUGH! let me escape this torture, let me try to kill myself, you can think it, but just before the moment, you know that there is a small hope and when you do this, this might end up as a life long curse to someone. so, the good life force in you stops you.
you try to focus on positive things.
you are silent and just push your days and nights.
what for all this?
why to go through this instead of moving on?

answer has always been simple, do not make the same mistake again.
this one life, i have no one else except you, let me live it with you...
i will wait even after the movie ends expecting a happy ending...
i can't give upon you...
because i know you hate me...!

No, am not ready to 'move on'.

This answer in quora would explain something that i have seen very common among men. i am not trying to just sympathize or overly simplify the mistakes that has happened between two persons here. i am just telling that this is the majority that is out there roaming the streets and trying to live showing that they are strong while inside they are as brittle as a shattered clay pot.
i am one among them, just with a difference, i do not hide it and will not hide it. i have had two beautiful love story in my life for which i can and will die for and also for which i love for now.

it is been more than ten months now and i still am eagerly waiting that the girl who walked out on me would return back while people tell i have to move on.
the problem with move on is, you have to kill everything that is you and have to put on a new mask and roam like another zombie in this world. no, i am not ready for it.
i would be devdas, drown myself in an unfulfilled love and live waiting for it rather than go with the so called 'move on' word. i do not see a point in it.why will you move on when you know that everyone out there is having a mask?
if you are not live your life by the principles and idea that you believe in, then why to live has always been my point. yeah, i know, she does not want to be with me for whatever mistakes i did to her, for the reasons she thinks that am unfair bastard, will that make the love i have for her is untrue, does that stand anywhere near to the word unconditional love? if i was able to send her off to meet a man that she loved knowing that there is a possibility that she might not return do i also not know that my love can just be there with/without her?
there has not been a night or morning in these past ten months that i have not gone without her thoughts in my mind while i go to sleep or wake up. i might end up with the same mind my whole life and i exactly know how scary it is and how much tears i have to drop for this choice, i have done that in the past ten months, but this all is worth it than wearing a mask over your face, going with anyone that you meet and finally end up dreaming about your girl while the other girl is sleeping next to you. i have seen most of the men and women do that, i am not one of them. i do not want to be one of them.
When i let doc go, i did not know how much am losing and i was never able to get her back and i had also moved on or found someone who gave me back the boy that i was searching for. by the time we do our usual mistakes and ride over the waves of instability and get over our fights, she had already become tired and had left me alone suffering in this sea of life. if i move on now, i know that am going have her image in my mind all my life and about things that i missed because i did not wait. so, i will wait and stay as a soul that lives what it thinks is right rather than just follow the crowd and move on.
i will wait for the lake house!
No, am not ready to 'move on'.