Today was the day for my Ant- climax (as expected). Even though it was expected, the after effect is not what I expected. It is completely different. I am not normal at the same time nothing is abnormal in me, it is like I am in a very neutral zone. Nothing is affecting me today, not even the Anti-climax (can u all believe it? but still I keep thinking about the way I lost this). I know I will lose, that to very badly and mercilessly but I never expected it will transform many things in me. I feel something very serene in me.
Things are happening today like I am not a part of them but still I am there. The thing which I must have owned, adored, have felt proud for achieving it is now restricted for me even to think. I am forced to stay out of the reach of it. The worst thing of life happens just like that, without even showing a trace of the scar like a heart attack but effect is lethal. One very good part of me is gone as a prey for it now.
There are things which you can never be the same again. My wonderful part is lost in this Ant- climax, I am witnessing it. I am telling these things in my life not to make your small peaceful time sad thinking about me but just to tell you people that failure is a very integral part of our life but all we need to do is enjoy that also like a victory. Love it. feel it. Nothing will happen to you…
I have been keeping this blog a very serious and sad stuff I think. Don’t worry soon it will be colourful with my JOSH. All I need is sometime to recover or rebuilt or reload another personality or character suitable and at the same time kind for everyone…
Until then it is
Als urs
muthukumar p r
Monday, August 18, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
another Climax
After a long time today I thought I will contribute something to this space. It is not that I dint have time or something like that but it is just that I dint know what to write and dint want to write anything very personal in this space and show you all my weakness, but the funniest part is even now I have nothing to write but am writing about me myself because I was feeling that it is ages since I did something creative. Ya! It is more than three weeks since I did something creative or at least did something which makes me happy.
It is all because of the impossible thing for which I have hopes and dreams. Now as it is getting close to climax I am waiting eagerly for it, may be anti climax also (actually I know it is mostly, but still this is my die hard confidence which is not allowing me to accept it until the reality will be there to strike me to the ground and may be bury me also). But who cares? This feel is good for me now, so I am not going to leave this.
Have you people be in a situation where you will have nothing in your hands to do in a situation but still what you think will be the right and only you will be the only person for it and the whole world will be against you and also you will know that you are going to be buried till the core of earth, but still have hopes for your instincts? Now am in that situation only, and as each day ends I know I am coming one step closer to the climax (opposite of anti climax pleaseeeeeeeee). So only this stupid brain is not working, it is always thinking and dreaming, I am nearly dreaming for hours continuously and then finally confuse the whole setup and then again start from scratch, isn’t that funny? But that is how things are with me at present.
When I was talking about the same topic with one of my friend, she only told that I must write what all I think so that it will be really useful for more. So I will tell some thought processes what all I had when I am in this situation….
“….confidence is not having hopes on things which you know will happen or which has the brightest chance of happening but it is just the opposite, you must have hopes when you know that the chance of winning is next to impossible, coz at that time you will know what it means to win or lose…”
“….you may be right or even utterly wrong, hear what everyone are telling and make sure you are satisfied with what you are doing, then no one can affect your decision or you will not feel bad when others tell it is wrong…”
“….laugh at yourself when you want to cry then you will know how fool you are to do things...”
“…you are not in any way less to not get things in this world so wish to do whatever you want to do…”
“…when you are in full love whatever you will do will surely turn fruitful, there will be nothing bad in your way of living and thinking…”
“…everyone lives…what are you doing to live like you…”
….. I think this is getting too much of philosophy and stuffs so let me stop here. Now am ok. Will get back to you when I see the climax.
It is all because of the impossible thing for which I have hopes and dreams. Now as it is getting close to climax I am waiting eagerly for it, may be anti climax also (actually I know it is mostly, but still this is my die hard confidence which is not allowing me to accept it until the reality will be there to strike me to the ground and may be bury me also). But who cares? This feel is good for me now, so I am not going to leave this.
Have you people be in a situation where you will have nothing in your hands to do in a situation but still what you think will be the right and only you will be the only person for it and the whole world will be against you and also you will know that you are going to be buried till the core of earth, but still have hopes for your instincts? Now am in that situation only, and as each day ends I know I am coming one step closer to the climax (opposite of anti climax pleaseeeeeeeee). So only this stupid brain is not working, it is always thinking and dreaming, I am nearly dreaming for hours continuously and then finally confuse the whole setup and then again start from scratch, isn’t that funny? But that is how things are with me at present.
When I was talking about the same topic with one of my friend, she only told that I must write what all I think so that it will be really useful for more. So I will tell some thought processes what all I had when I am in this situation….
“….confidence is not having hopes on things which you know will happen or which has the brightest chance of happening but it is just the opposite, you must have hopes when you know that the chance of winning is next to impossible, coz at that time you will know what it means to win or lose…”
“….you may be right or even utterly wrong, hear what everyone are telling and make sure you are satisfied with what you are doing, then no one can affect your decision or you will not feel bad when others tell it is wrong…”
“….laugh at yourself when you want to cry then you will know how fool you are to do things...”
“…you are not in any way less to not get things in this world so wish to do whatever you want to do…”
“…when you are in full love whatever you will do will surely turn fruitful, there will be nothing bad in your way of living and thinking…”
“…everyone lives…what are you doing to live like you…”
….. I think this is getting too much of philosophy and stuffs so let me stop here. Now am ok. Will get back to you when I see the climax.
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