am i living?

one serious thought that has been around for sometime in my mind, is this...
do i laugh because i feel so or someone is deciding if i should?
do we do things as we do as we know it is the way or someone is deciding how those thing should be done?
do we know it as truth because it really is the truth or somone wants you to think that as the truth?
if you know that what am telling is wrong, is it really your choice?
when u have choices around, are you sure you have selected the right choice of your wish? are they real choices...
many questions, simply to put them in simple words... do our emotions are really our emotions? is our life really ours and do v really live it?
my answer would be a stiff n strong NO.
i do accept that everything that happens to me is inevitable because of the whole universe around me, but still that is nature n it is not forcing me to do but letting me to do.
but the point what am trying to tell here is that, who is deciding our needs, thoughts, emotions, life, gud, bad, right-wrong... who?
people in pwr? they r also puppets for some one else... so were is the master, what does he (let me not make it male. but it shud be a male, no other go if not wud the witches be made into bad sign? and wud now women feel like having strength to face this world? will they really think of the reason? anyways am sticking with master to be male, as human males feel inferior and dont want to let their wives control them, and this one thought also decided by some master, and followed by crores of  human male arnd d wrld,) gets in doing this...?
am trying to find d reson, might be i may fail, or succeed, but am searching... i wud nt call this a life, i am trying to live my lyf my own way... do u?

am thinking

It had really been a long time since i really did some writing. thinking has always been going on. der had really not been instances that i can remeber being without thinking... dont know wat am goind to do by doing so much thinking. is that only i think this much or do really people think a lot, always have some thing or the other running, imagination, calculation, expectation,planning, worrying, luving, mating....
i am clueless abt it, truly. i see many people with really blank n calm face as if they ahve nothing to think in their life. but each day i see my face on the mirror i find diff diff thoughts that changes my expressions n d way my face luks....i really think the thought process really matters, many people have said so but this i find only after i am going thru it,
even during writing this, am thinking wat the best name would be for this post as title,  screened down to 'thiinking'... many more things tat guess shud nt be told here...
am chatting a lot these days along with thinking, always on gtalk or yahooe messenger. like it... feeling much younger, with gud vibes...;-)
yeah this one thing called time is not stopping for anyone, it is muving in a speed tat am feeling v old n have the thought process of doing nothing useful... anyway tat part shud be taken care of soon i guess...
really had some v bad moments, but EOD , ellam nanmaikke, everything happens for a reason n d reason is good.
i always kno i can do wat i want to do, bt i also know tat when i start doing it, whole wrld wud push me dwn to not do it. if i persist i can win. at times i have persisted to get something bt not ruly cos of me, bt this time i really dint persist i guess, tat is d rsn am staying bak here and not joing TFI.
my thinking imagination was in such a speed tat i have already decide my way into the schools and how to make them feel what v have not felt in class, compassion n luv to education. knowing wat it really means. if some1 can tell A for apple, that doesnt qualifies them to nxt grade, why only apple, why not (i dont want to mention america, so thinking a noun in A) Africa,Antartica (any other fuits in A? hmmm..) Amla (this is call goose berry in english so cancelled, nxt? hmmm...) (anyway let me get back on to that when i find it.)
This is what our education system has done to us.
screwed up tightly, lyk d 10 ruppe, doll we get in our temple function, which does the same thing repeatedly till the screw looses, n v hav some ways to get it screwed up continously till we die... (what a wonderful thought sirji!!!)
anyways got to go now. something to eat and then let me se wat i ll do...
note: whispering it ly into ur ears... I read that v must not reveal our plans n personal stuffs in such social networking sights, some1 might follow us n kill us or harm us using the info's v provide. so i ll not tell anyone that am going for a vacation this week... even u ppl dnt tell it ok....