It is not an ad for McDonald's... but to my life am telling this statement....
am not 100% sober... still have the knowledge of last night.... so this blog can be more revealing than, if i wud have written the same at someother time....
deepan had watched 'AAYIRATHIL ORUVAN' continously 3 times.... might be fourth time also... i dint speak to him, since i have not watched it yet.... will watch it tomo same time and then, there i will talk with him...;-) we ll hav long conv... might be ly silence ..... but cant wait for that....!!!
Pongal away from home was lik just another weekend off at home... watched SambhoShivaSambho.... slept 2 hrs in the evening and 3 hrs in the night....;-) shit these days am not sleeping properly... should get that rite on track....nothing infront of a best sleep(at this time)....
even if u dnt trust, trust me, that am telling, i am feeling that whatever happens is for good, all izz well, and u might miss what it was for until n unless u r in ur consiousness, until u witness it... am not witnessing it fully, but to an extent am able to succeed in my process of conciosuness.... shud improve....
the reader in me is become very slow one, not reading lot things, but do read some very useful things, the things i read are might not even be for a page but i think about it for days altogether... one thing i do often in this blogs even if dnt write is, i go see her blog, it is shining day by day, like a good wine's taste....;-) ... now am reading Che's 'Motorcycle diaries'....(very slow pace...)
I have this one thing that, if i wud lik to do what i want to do, which i must be doing but not, then i cant be like what others or atleast my parents want me to be, can i stop worrying for them and keep going, like Vivekanadar(when me and karthik were discussing abt this, i told that vivekanadar shud nt have done like that, but it was some 4 years ago)? now after four years of knowledge from this so called meaning ful life, am convinced to an extent that if i dont risk it nw am not going to do it anytime in mylife like this atleast...but ma dad n mom, i dnt want to leave them just like that, but that ll make my link with materialistic world keep extending....already such things are ly following me...when i was reading her blog, i wanted to just walk out office just like that, pack my bag go and start what i wanted to do...but y am i not doing it, i hav not many things like this due to fear, fear of losing a comfartable life, putting others in stake atleast my parents, what if i fail and become a failure kind of stuffs.... but really does failure matter to me after all these failures i have seen... shud i fear for this world where if i grow my beard am considered to be indecent, barbarian, villager.... is a barbarian low for them, is a villager low to them? then am sure am not going to fear them, and am already not fearing them, but the education and things they have taught me makes me fear my duties towards my parents...the fear is ultimately rooting to failure, what if a fail, what ll happen to me then, what ll happen to my life then, what if it is ruined, what if i become a completed failure, what ll i do to my parents... shit, i shud stop this thinkin r am sure i ll fail doing nothing....am forcing and focusing all my energy towards uproot this fear once for all and after which ly i can take my steps steadily facing this world... somepeople get easy gate pass for this, am not that lucky and that is y am happy abt myself, if am getting easy breakthtough am not cannot luv it as i wud luv after all this struggle... let my pace be steady and strong....it is hard to remove 21 years of life in 2 years, but am putting all that i can(really???!!) to push it off...
am good at talking nonsense i guess... people keep laughing at my face for this, they always tell that i keep telling the same old shit things and do nothing...might be that also one small reason that i am going slow, i dnt want to pove them anything, am doing all for me and let me do it my, this bak bak nonsense's background ly i can realise to full extent, for others it is just a waste of talk by a stupid....
am happy being that ....
leave me now....
am lovin it.....;-)
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