Innocence, what? where?

When I was speaking with one of my college mate, she told that I am no more the innocent guy she met in the initial years of college, I just replied that it was just because of the time that is floating, and the learning I have got in the real world I am facing.


It’s been 7 years since I stepped out of my house to college and then to work. In this way I have learnt many things if I did wanted to or not. I dint even know what IIT was till first year end of my college, I don’t tell everyone must have known it compulsory, but just this example came in now as my degree was engineering, that was the background from where I came. Just my parents knew that I must be schooled, that too, in an English medium school, so they did, even if their financial terms dint allow them to, then I was to be sent to college, need not mention engineering. I, on the other hand wanted to go to Chennai for college, that’s all was my need to select a college. So, with the advice of many so called experienced people, I did join an engineering course after great dramas, the beginning where my friend was telling my innocence started to go away.

I don’t know what she meant as innocence, but for most people innocent is just being good to all and not having hidden meaning while talking and doing everything for others, at least, I describe it that way, it is also the other side of unawareness or illiteracy part of you on a particular subject.

For that matter, from the day I started to collect memories, my innocence was going to trash slowly, just college and work was great leap for it and has made it faster. On all the fronts I was facing, I found ways where my innocence was no more beauty, except for the people who were benefitting from it and also ultimately to my peace.

In the beginning, I never doubted any person if they tell me something, I would just believe it; I would tell anything comes to my mind and mouth, never cared for reactions or after effects of those statements; never knew something called mistrust other than in cinema, in that too villain would change in the climax.

But, life now, seems like a comedy. Not a single person I can rely on with full heart. Everyone has something or the other. Ego plays it role. I am searching for one trustworthy person, but in vain. All I finally hear when I talk with experienced people is that, ‘this is the real world for me’.

My question is all, why should i be like this? Why is that i cant trust even the most desired ones? Why am i not able to gain others trust, vice versa? why am I giving so much attention to my ego? Why is that people tell that I should grow up to live?

I know there are many people wishing the same about their innocence. While we were young, we dint have any commitments, so we need not worry about anything, just smile and small worries. But, our commitments now, asks our innocence and peace as price. If we can work harder in selecting our commitments and surroundings without disturbing our important part of lives, then might be it can do some good…